Japan 0 Croatia 0; Brazil 2 Australia 0; France 1 Korea Republic 1

Fucking bitches,

I'm pissed off. I'm pissed of at the fucking Japan for not showing some cojones. I'm pissed off with Croatia for not losing to Japan. I'm pissed off for Brazil to not give a bollocking to Australia. I'm pissed off that Australia can now qualify from the fucking group. I'm pissed off with France for not pummelling Korea. I'm pissed off with Korea for tying the fucking match.

Let's just cut the shit and go to the matches shall we?

Group F
Japan 0
Croatia 0

So why? Why can we call ourselves Japanese when we don't live with our souls on our sleeves? Do we deserve it? Why aren't the players livid for drawing a match which they needed to win? Why do the fans cheer after a match like this? Are we that pathetic that we have to satisfy with one point? Call me old fashioned, but I hate what Japan had become in the past 15 years.

We got everything. Convenience store, reliable cars, efficient train system, great food, the world's most prominent companies, beautiful landscapes, and a rather peculiar but one of the most expressive languages in the world.

So how have we forgotten all these wonderful things? Globalisation doesn't require you to discard your traditions and values for the sake of chummmying it up with George and co in capitol hill. Give me a fucking break. However wealthy and advanced Japan has become, they have forgotten what made them successful. Living in the bubbly cocoon, even the homeless dudes aren't looking shabby.

The elementary schools are abolishing first place, second place, etc in field days because they don't want the losers to feel like losers. Except for having one winner and million losers, we want million and one losers. Only in Japan have we got a word for kids and young adults who stay at home and refused to come out into the real world. Wake up smell the green tea, bitch.

Man UP!

Just admit that we suck. Realize that we were beer goggled in our judgement. What's more precious? The values what makes Japan great or a Miyamoto semi-nude book? Why can't we be like the Koreans? Why can't we take things more seriously? Why don't we want to risk our lives for the good of the nation? Why can't we cry because you're ashamed of what you've done? Why can't we feel that we will not stand for being mediocre? Why doesn't the media tell it like it is? Why wouldn't anyone have any balls to say it, really really say it from the top of Mount Fuji.

"We fucking suck a big huge knobbly knob and we apologize for it."
Yeah and make fucking sure you fucking do something about it.

Please don't make me feel like I don't want to be Japanese. I love my country from the bottom of my heart, but if you keep on acting like a bunch dickless shit as if everything the players do on the pitch are worth cheering for, I may reconsider my love for the country. Why don't they pull their earlobes out at the heartless performances they have given us thus far? Why wouldn't anyone want to take any fucking responsibilities?

We got no heart and it ain't in San Francisco.

Take the fucking plane and go home on the 22nd. You and we don't deserve this.

Not this.

PS Yanagisawa should go Dr. Kevorkian on his own ass.

Group F
Brazil 2
Australia 0

Rick was there. My friend Rick who recently was asked by a random dude on the street, "Do you speak Indian?" and have wondered ever since why this dude didn't ask if he spoke Gujarati or Hindi or some other specific Indian language. I call him Paki and he calls me Nip Nip and all is well. He's a brilliant man with brain the size of a brachiosaurus and he smells good. He also is a stunning success of genetic hybrid gone right. But one thing he can't do quite the way he wants to is football. Him being Australian, I have for the passed 5 years given him routine tutelage on the ins and really ins on this beautiful game.

Australia's 32 year absence from the copa has stirred his already, happy loins which harnesses his love for Katie Holmes. He is the only person who knows all of the England players including the kit manager and which shoe polish he should be using for Beck's boot, but he has got no idea who Franz Beckenbauer is and this all baffles me. And it also seems that any sort of football related piece of history and butch women inducing football facts goes into his right ear and comes out of his robeto carlos ass.

As we sat down in a local O'neills, commenting on why Eastern European women have the knack of going for the "blank mannequin" look even after they piss themselves laughing at the three poles comes into bar joke, we take in the atmosphere which could have made history.

Brazil started out poorly again and fatty really seems to be
Struggling as of lately. His mind seems to be elsewhere, his steps sluggish as if been taken out nightly by Anup since the tournament started, and the speed and the fluidity of his dribbling has gone completely AWOL. The boy can't run and he shouldn't be playing. Australia on the other hand were wacky from the testosterone and adrenaline induced high from the Japan match. They did not seem fazed by taking on the people they've only seen in Match of the Day.

With the end of 1st half coming as a relief from the Con Airs, the canaries were puzzled by their confusing start. The Fantastic Four were performing as a poor four.

1st goal came from the Inter hit man, but not from the flow of play they were expecting a lot more often at this stage of the cup. Ronaldo collects a ball at the top left hand corner of the box. He does his thing and delivers a doable pass to the top scorer of the Copa America / Confed Cup. He drives left and pushes the ball a little bit more than the outstretched Aussie (oye, oye, oye) and strikes it semi-mildly. The ball semi-dribbles passed the other outstretching Aussie, Schwarzer and ladies and gents, we got ourselves a GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was annoying.

2nd goal came after Parriera got off his rather silly high horse and decided that fatty indeed is a fatty and Emerson has not only lost his hair in the past couple of years. In comes the much needed pace in Robinho (lightweight) and mobility in G Silva (of course he plays for Arsenal). Samba boys were constantly under threat from the ex-cons even after they've nailed on in at the beginning of the 2nd half. Life was re-inserted and there were more and more signs of the Nike billions at work. For maximum drama, Fred of Lyon comes in to replace the seemingly exhausted Adriano.
Kruger gathers the ball at the top of the box and knocks it wide right to the where the bolt of yellow in Little Robbie is ready to pounce at the ball. He pounces and a dart of a shot is initially saved by Schwarzer only to be lightly tapped in by Freddy (not Adou).

Concerns remain for Brazil. Have they been too much joga bonitoing and not joga winning? Is Ronaldo really that fat? Are the cylinders ready to fire or ready to burst?

So Brazil through no matter what and Australia at 3 Japan at 1 and Croatia at 1. Everything to play for next week for the two remaining teams and one loser.

Group G
France 1
Korea Republic

This is official. We have witnessed an end of an era as Zizou is substituted on the 90th minute and with his 2nd yellow in two matches, he is out of the next match against the samurai poos. If you really need me to tell you, if France fail to qualify for the knock out phase (which looks very likely now), we have all seen the very last of the last true "dix".

I don't want to get in to the baldy Algerians highlight reels, but all I have to say is that he's the only player I have ever seen who can slow down time. When he's got the ball, everything seems to slow down and subsequently he then utilizes this "slow time" mode to its fullest maximus degree. At his prime in Juve and the first two years at Real, he was unstoppable. Shame to see him go, but France is in dire need to learn how to cope without his eminence spear heading the les Bleus.

As much as I don't want to, I have to commend the never say die attitude of the kimchis. My friends and I were chillin' out and hangin' it all out at a mega huge bombastic screen up in Brick Lane. No, it wasn't covered in curry and didn't smell like one either, but in this huge mother fucker of a warehouse, there stood multiple Xbox 360s getting jiggy with the Koreans armed with the most annoying "Go, Corea, Go" goods of all times...kimchi sticks.

Kimchi Sticks: Two sticks made of ultra space age material are filled to the brim with H2O minus the H2. Each of these are held by a football mad Korean woman with a huge grin on her face. Sadly and loudly and surely, these sticks are banged against each other thus producing the loudest and most uncomfortable noise in the northern hemisphere.

So this warehouse is rocking and shimmying to the bangs of the kimchi sticks and having endured a humiliating match only 4 hours earlier, the banging sounded like, "Japan fucking sucks" into my virginal ear canals.

The game began with the French playing a bit less as a bunch of headless chickens, rather as a bunch of wingless chickens. The sense of urgency can be tasted in the cheese, but champagne doesn't explode until the 9th minute. Va Va Voom never looked like it took the option for a GPS until this match. From a partially blocked shot by Wiltord, the ball suddenly appears in front of the Arsenalian (soon to be Barcelonian?) who for the first time in 8 years, break out the blue cheese sticks out in Champs Elysee. And you'd think this was the monkey, but it was more like the hay.

A wee bit later, Zidane corner is met by the over paid and over rated employee of the old lady, but does not qualify for a goal. The ugliest goalie in the cup apparently digs the ball out after it had crossed the line. French absolutely robbed and Philippe (this one is French/Japanese and boy he had a rough day) cannot believe how much fermentation his luck can take.

As the time gets closer and closer to French victory, stronger and stronger the Koreans became. Although their Red Zone offence rating would have been laughable in the eyes of Mike D'Antoni, but the constant threats are making the French as uncomfortable as a Sunday roast with lamb and mint sauce. The Koreans just kept it tight and finally they get the goal.

2nd goal came from the bit part Man-U man. A tantalizing cross is hit from the wide right by Seol Ki-Hyeon (long) headed back across the goal by Cho Jin-Jae (slightly shorter) and Park (just the right length and pronounceable) lifts it over butter fisted baldy and the screaming black dude.

The glaring miss by Henry which at the almost very end of the contest would have taken Platini's garcons another chance to invite Zizou back to the party, but an accidental knee into the back of the knee by the Algerian god earns him his second yellow and as I have said before, abientot to perhaps the last 10 coq.

This match totals up the Koreans with 4 points and pas allez les Bleus to a fabulous 1 point.

Ryu's "You do get paid for playing football, right" missed goal of the day. This award will be shared nicely with Yanagisawa who left his left foot in his mother's womb and also to my beloved Thierry who's Va Va Voom doesn't Voom when playing for the country.

Tomorrow will take off with the Togonese shaking their bootae' with Guy's pride, followed by the people who used to have tons of money with the one man squadron, finished off with the people who wants to live there and people who don't want those people to live there.

Watch it.