Holiday Part 3 Day 2

To the people who have waited,

The wait is semi over. If you’re a smart reader, you know I’m writing about the 3rd place match that will be kicking it really hard core with the fans on both sides going wild, chicks showing their tits as if it’s Mardi Gras 1997 and the men showing their man boobs as if it’s gym class ‘89, the streets will be packed the brim of the rim with cries of victory, whilst the players will suit up to defend what is their honour, the pride of the countries are at stake.

Probably not.

This, like I said, is the 3rd and 4th place battle. The only person who will be excited are the minority of the footbally viewing world plus every-4-years-football viewers, who for some reason feels that its in the mandate of their football watching charter that this is a not to be missed match of the year.

Please, jigga, please.

I for one don’t really care. I believe this is the most non-consequential match that is played in the World Cup every fucking 4 years. I mean, who cares? Man, if you are the player, it’s even worse. You just fought your way through 6 matches of mostly hell and your last match isn’t going to be played in the hearts and giddy eyes of the entire world, rather “Oh, the match is on! Oh, it’s the 3rd and 4th place match. Oh have we got anything to do this evening? Oh, I guess we’ll watch it”.

But if you’re Big Phil or Klinsi, you have your job so cut out, that you have to be careful not to cut yourself with it. How do you motivate your troops to another 90 minutes of drama, which will only be watched by the lamed ass people who couldn’t get the tickets to the big one? How would you rally them in the locker room when in the back of your mind, you’re thinking about the hot totties (the non Italian kind) of Ipanema and Venice? How do you get yourself laced up when you know you only got a month, month and a half at the most of vacation before you start your real job?

It’s totally unhip to the cool and totally provocatively unnecessary.

It’s only there because Blatter and fuckers want to rake in as much dough as possible.

It’s there for you tonight like an unwanted puppy in a soap box.

The last of the last headline news:

Well, um, there really aren’t any major headlines. I did go through quite a lot of websites (okay, 4) and there isn’t anything interesting. Oh, predictably Little Kaiser will rest on his laurels.

Although if you’re wandering which team to rootdown (Ben’s copyright), check out the below article in the Guardian: http://football.guardian.co.uk/worldcup2006/story/0,,1815606,00.html

Ryu’s “My sweet sweet thereafter” moment of yesterday. None. It was a day of beer, chinese, and the last stand. Ratner can eat my balls for brunch.

Today we bring you the match so many people have anticipated from the get go of this tournament. The host takes on some country called Po-t-gl for the highly coveted 3rd place medals given gracefully by the fat pig himself. Thanks Bladder.

Watch it (if you really must)